Dating Research: Do People Return to Dating Through Friends.

Modern Approach to Dating

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Thirty-year-old Jude Cohen, like many modern women, grew tired of dating apps. So she decided to simplify the process of finding a partner: “I ask my friends to introduce me,” she says, working as a communications consultant in New York.

At the end of last year, her friend decided to help and unexpectedly connected Cohen with a potential candidate via text message. The man lived in her hometown, which was hundreds of miles away, but she was open to long-distance relationships.

Before their date, which took place a few weeks later during her visit to a wedding, Cohen knew very little about him. She tried to find him on Instagram but was unsuccessful.

“The date went fine, the conversation was ‘great,’” she says. However, Cohen did not feel any attraction to her companion. Ironically, had he lived in New York, she would have someone to introduce him to.

“I keep asking my friends to introduce me,” she says. “It didn’t become a barrier that it didn’t work out the first time. Overall, it wasn’t a bad experience. It’s just part of the numbers game you have to play to find your person.”

Types of Dating in the Past and Present

The tradition of dating through friends may seem archaic. After all, dating through apps that allow filtering potential partners by specific criteria has become commonplace. However, until the early 2010s, most heterosexual couples actually met through friends. This situation changed with the development of online dating.

According to a study, only 20% of heterosexual couples met through friends in 2017, while 39% met online. In 1995, one-third of couples met through friends, with just 2% online.

Thus, while dating through friends has not completely disappeared, its role has significantly diminished. But can we expect a return to the traditional dating format in light of growing dissatisfaction with apps?

“Of all the methods I’ve heard about for dating more organically,” says Lisel Sharabi, an assistant professor of human communication at Arizona State University, “few are talking about a return to dating through friends. For some, it’s probably a whole new experience.”

Dating in the Modern World

Today, dating has become a personalized process. In the past, the choice of a partner often depended heavily on one’s surroundings, and many external factors influenced romantic relationships. Now, thanks to apps, meetings happen without social connections among people.

Dating through apps allows for an expanded pool of potential partners, which was previously limited to friends and acquaintances. “Your circle of friends decreases with age, as most of them become married or enter long-term relationships,” notes Thomas.

But it’s not all that simple. Dating through friends has its advantages, as a mutual acquaintance can serve as a good guarantee. However, there may be awkwardness in the event of conflict or relationship breakups, as this becomes a topic of discussion among acquaintances.

“Over the past few decades, the choice of a partner has become more private,” says Ruben J. Thomas, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of New Mexico.

Despite everything, Cohen and her friends are trying to make the dating process more fun. They organized what is called a “Blind Date Club,” where each friend invites a date for another person in the group to dinner. “It’s always going to be fun,” she emphasizes.

This suggests that classic dating may have a chance to return, even in times when more and more people turn to dating apps.