The psychologist debunks myths about mental health: 7 popular misconceptions on social media.

According to Vox: Joe Nucci, like many new therapists, eagerly demonstrated his new vocabulary in psychology during his graduate studies. All these diagnoses and concepts were fascinating, Nucci notes, and helped to understand a lot. But as he continued his education, he realized that applying these terms in everyday life could be dangerous.

Some self-education creators online could benefit from remembering this truth. Over the last decade, the stigma around mental health has diminished, and a wave of friendly influencers and consumers eager to understand themselves has emerged. However, they may have bought into the simplification of popular terms—such as boundaries or narcissism. “I’ve noticed that some of these terms are not only technically incorrect, but also explained or used in ways that can be harmful,” Nucci asserts. “If people take this advice too literally or without important nuances, it can lead to decisions that actually harm their mental health rather than help it.”

That’s why Nucci, a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 250,000 followers on Instagram, has set out to debunk some of these myths—correcting the therapeutic jargon that dominates the mental health field. In his book PsychoBubble: Virtual Myths About Mental Health and the Truths That Free Us, he describes over thirty myths that have widely spread online. Here, Nucci discusses seven of the most common myths, how we got here, and how to tackle them.

Myth: Your diagnosis explains who you are

Over the last decade, Nucci has observed how discussions about diagnoses have shifted from ‘You have X disorder’ and ‘You are so much more than a label’ to ‘almost personality indicators’. Diagnoses are best used to form a treatment plan to improve functioning. But when people wear their diagnoses like labels, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, people with ADHD may be late because they get distracted. “With the right medication, mindset changes, coaching, and executive functioning training, you can significantly reduce the frequency of tardiness,” he says. But if you think of tardiness as an unchangeable aspect of your personality, you may exacerbate the symptoms and close off opportunities for improvement.

Instead of relying on a single term, Nucci advises highlighting many of your qualities using diverse words: creative, sociable, sometimes forgetful. “We need to use more words,” he says, “not fewer.”

Myth: You are a people pleaser

Nucci refutes the term ‘people pleaser’ because it is not specific and can refer to many different behaviors. “Are you compromising your desires and then boosting your moral superiority?” he asks. “Are you sacrificing your interests for some reason?” Some may be more agreeable, while others may derive satisfaction from complying with loved ones.

The so-called people-pleasing becomes problematic when it is motivated by avoiding conflict—when you fear upsetting a friend and thus don’t express your opinion. In his own life, Nucci works on taking his stand and trying not to assume that others are angry with him—he is open with friends and family about this. “Overall, people have been very supportive,” he asserts.

Myth: Your date is a love bomber

Like many concepts related to pop psychology, the commonly accepted definition of ‘love bombing’ has changed. Originally, the term referred to a manipulative tactic in which love and affection are used to control another person, but now it typically refers to any rapidly developing relationship. “There are many reasons why people rush into relationships,” Nucci says: passion, infatuation, falling in love with an image of a person, confusion over expectations.

Just because someone has strong feelings early in a relationship doesn't mean they are trying to manipulate their romantic partner.

Other popular mental health terms have also followed a similar trajectory: look at social media posts where people are labeled ‘toxic’ or ‘narcissists’. Regarding love bombing, just because someone has intense feelings early in a relationship does not mean they are trying to manipulate their romantic partner. Additionally, it should not be assumed that taking a pause to slow things down is negative when considering whether to continue dating after the initial passion fades.

Myth: You are powerless to solve your problems

Inspired by a metaphor he often sees online—“A flower doesn’t feel well. Do you blame the flower or the quality of the soil, air, sunlight?”—Nucci believes that social systems and personal autonomy play roles in mental health. Racism, sexism, discrimination, and other systemic issues have undoubtedly impacted his patients, but it’s essential for mental health practitioners to remember that their patients have agency.

Sometimes constant reminders of all the injustices in the world can hinder people from seeing a way forward. “If you focus too heavily on systemic justice,” Nucci says, “there are situations where you can actually do something as an individual. You don’t want to be so rigid in this planned context that you miss opportunities for simple wins.”

At the same time, it’s important to acknowledge external factors that you cannot control. Absolute confidence that you can change your position simply by putting in effort can lead to burnout and frustration. “You’re not really advancing towards your valuable goals,” Nucci says. “Sometimes it’s better to take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at your context, at the system you’re in. It could be your family, culture, or country… That can also be very healing.”

Myth: You need to know as much as possible about mental health

Becoming an amateur in mental health is not synonymous with healing, Nucci notes. In therapy, consultants usually start by helping patients articulate their experiences, process them, and analyze them. “Sometimes when people can clearly articulate their analysis, their symptoms disappear—not always, but sometimes,” Nucci says. “At this stage, you want to stop analyzing because if you don’t stop, it quickly turns into obsession, rumination.”

In such cases, learning more or diving emotionally might not help. Instead, therapists might shift to other forms of treatment, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy that focuses on changing thought patterns, or behavioral therapy where you work on changing your actions. In short, endless attempts to learn about mental health concepts online might become counterproductive outside of the therapeutic environment.

Myth: You can never have enough emotional intimacy

Most people vary in how open and vulnerable they expect their romantic relationships to be. Some want their partners to be very emotional; others may not be ready to reveal their inner selves at all. You shouldn’t feel guilty if you don’t want to share with your partner what you would discuss with your therapist. “The level of intimacy you give your therapist, the details you discuss, I wouldn’t recommend sharing with your partner,” Nucci says.

The same goes for your children. Just because you’re willing to tell a friend about past trauma doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to share it with your kids.

Vulnerability is important in close relationships, but that doesn’t mean you should be completely vulnerable with every person you meet. “Maybe only one person receives that vulnerability from you,” Nucci notes. “Maybe it’s your partner, maybe it’s your therapist, maybe it’s a friend.”

Myth: You need therapy if you want relationships

While therapists are undoubtedly qualified to support patients on their mental health journey, they are not “wise sages” on all topics, Nucci emphasizes, especially relationships. Therapy can help identify flaws in relationships and provide skills to fix them, but it cannot replace the experience of real dating.

“You need to learn to open up again, and that’s something each of us can do,” Nucci states. “If you encounter difficulties in this, therapy can be great support, but I believe it is inaccurate to claim it will make you absolutely ready.”